speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
