How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
