we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
