you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
