He disabled his match.com account in front of me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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