We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
