You really coming over, don't trick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
