I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
