you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
