god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
