i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
