I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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