So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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