Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
