I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
