I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
