i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
