I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
