Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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