You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
