i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
