Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
