last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
