He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
