"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
