So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
