You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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