Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
