Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
