I'm really into asian looking animals
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is Oprah even human
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
