me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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