I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
