he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
