An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
