One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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