Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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