He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
