There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
