After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
