Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Drake has all the answers
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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