I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
