This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
