remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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