Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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