he puts the penis in happiness.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
