When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
