so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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