PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
