I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
