i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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