They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
