New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
