and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
