My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
