I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think i got beer on your cat.
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