false alarm. still invincible.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
