so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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