So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
