hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
