VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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