I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A+ Viking dick
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