so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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