I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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