I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
