Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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