if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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