i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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