so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize