I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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