at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
