My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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