Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
