Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
