Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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