Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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