I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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