Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize