I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
