I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
